Thanksgiving is right around the corner. As is the case every year, duties at NFL Media preclude me from making the cross-country trip to be with family on this quintessential American holiday. It’s unfortunate, but the good news is that I’ve assembled an all-star team of NFL personalities to break bread with next Thursday.
They don’t know this yet, but I feel like there’s a decent shot I pull this off. The worst they can do is say no, right?
Here’s my official guest list for NFL Friendsgiving:
Baker Mayfield: Baker is like the nephew who’s really feeling himself after his first semester of college. After all, now he’s experienced. He is … dangerous. He lives out of state. His roommate’s dad owns a party boat at the lake. His boundless confidence and willingness to share many newly formed opinions will keep things lively at the table.
Andy Reid: I mean, honestly, if you had to pick one guy in the NFL orbit who you’re confident can successfully fry the hell out of a Thanksgiving turkey, you’re putting your money on Big Red, right? Reid is reaching Godfather status in the NFL. That’s a man I want to share pumpkin pie with. He’ll also probably be wearing a funny shirt.
Booger McFarland: Every Thanksgiving has a kids’ table. We’ll have a BoogerMobile, too. Just set him up with a tray in the corner of the room. Every few minutes he’ll barge into conversation with insight gleaned from his unique perspective on the dining room.
Al Michaels: Al has forgotten more stories than any of us will ever know. The man has lived a life. After dinner, we’ll all retire to the den to watch the Falcons-Saints primetime affair. At halftime, we’ll step outside, light up some expensive cigars and sip on Johnny Walker as Al regales us with tales of the 1989 World Series, the O.J. chase, the Miracle on Ice, maybe his cameo in “BASEketball.” Al isn’t scheduled to call that Saints-Falcons game for NBC, so he can enjoy his night off with us!
Pete Carroll: Every Thanksgiving table needs a good conspiracy theorist. Wacky Uncle Pete will surely have a few bangers in the chamber.
Tony Romo: The affable CBS booth man and former Cowboys star will entertain the table with his uncanny ability to predict each Thanksgiving dish moments before it is shuttled out of the kitchen. Just to spice things up, we’ll have his place-setting right beside …
Carrie Underwood: The SNF theme song siren and former Romo flame will add a little bit of southern charm to the proceedings. After dinner, Booger — now going mad after his seventh hour strapped into the BoogerMobile — will broach the subject of the Dec. 9, 2009, US Weekly article, “Carrie Underwood: Tony Romo ‘Did Me Wrong.’ ” Now Witt, I just don’t believe Tony Romo was at fault for this breakup. They were young people in two very different places in their lives.
Marshawn Lynch: There’s just no conceivable scenario where having Marshawn Lynch at your house for Thanksgiving makes the day worse. He is the absolute best kind of wild card.
Nathan Peterman: A man who could use some warm company this holiday season. Come on in, Nate. Get out of the cold.
Dan Hanzus writes two times a week for NFL.com and hosts the award-winning Around The NFL Podcast. Follow him on Twitter if you want.
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